Song #020: John Mayer - Friends, Lovers or Nothing (off Battle Studies - 2009)
Don’t roll your eyes. I used to feel that way about John Mayer too. Six months ago, though, things changed. It was instant. I just kinda woke up one morning as a John Mayer fan. He may be a douchebag, but he gets it. Heartbreak Warfare? Gravity? Something’s Missing?! Dude can craft a strong guitar song. We know this. He does a few things very well, and even his detractors have to admit it.
“They’d built their non-relationship around John Mayer songs. They started out as Assassins, uncomfortable with the kill they’d made of the other. He was Neon, tempting and often unattainable. She’d take him any way she could. He was standing on the Edge of Desire, wanting her enough that he’d disregard his own principles to have her again. They hurt each other again and again, hoping to bring some finality to whatever this was. She charted this evolution, adding each new John Mayer track to her playlist with his name like a new chapter in a book.
He was directly responsible for the apt comparison. “Just because he’s got great hair, can play guitar and looks good without a shirt doesn’t mean he can say whatever he wants,” people said. But to whom were they referring? She found that charming in both of them.
“I feel like we’re at a Crossroads,” she told him. “Friends, Lovers, or Nothing. I feel like we need to pick one.” She had no idea how he’d react to that, but he had to see it coming. “Neither of us can be happy doing what we’re doing.”
“What’s your preference?” He countered. His stomach dropped.
“Well, I’ll be really disappointed if you pick nothing. We have so much in common, but the friends-with-benefits thing isn’t for us. We’re just fooling ourselves.”
They each said their piece, and neither were entirely convinced of the other’s honesty. With only that to go on, though, they made the best decision they could - a platonic friendship, just as it was - minus the physicality. They hugged their goodbyes, and she couldn’t think of a more John Mayer-appropriate new beginning.
/ the rest of the original post has been retracted in the interest of bad cheeseball fiction. Instead, I’ll leave you with one quip from the infamous Playboy interview that I actually liked:
PLAYBOY: At this point, what’s your ideal relationship?
MAYER: Here’s what I really want to do at 32: fuck a girl and then, as she’s sleeping in bed, make breakfast for her. So she’s like, “What? You gave me five vaginal orgasms last night, and you’re making me a spinach omelet? You are the shit!” So she says, “I love this guy.” I say, “I love this girl loving me.” And then we have a problem. Because that entails instant relationship. I’m already playing house. And when I lose interest she’s going to say, “Why would you do that if you didn’t want to stick with me?”
PLAYBOY: Why do you do it?
MAYER: Because I want to show her I’m not like every other guy.
